An octopus walks into a bar and says,
'I can play ANY musical instrument you like'.
Englishman gives him a guitar which he plays better than Hendrix.
Irishman gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton .
Scotsman throws him a set of bag pipes.
The octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman says,
'What's wrong - can ye no play it?'.
The octopus says
'Play it ? -I'm gonna f**k her brains out once I get her pyjamas off!'