[HUMOR] Bet Selection, or a Quacky Idea?

[Herb]

Here is it is, the new quack meter.  In recent months, the number of quacks on the board has gone up very quickly.  Some of these quacks are regular people that just make an occasional outlandish claim.  Others are people like James Wendall that are completely out of touch with reality. 

How do we determine if a poster is worth reading, or whether it's delusional gibberish by someone that is a real quack?

Well, here's the solution to the problem.  It's the QuAcK meter.  Delusional posters like James, whom we all agree is a bonified quack, use certain key phrases and words that immediately demonstrate to everyone that they are a certified quack.  By using a point system for these key words and phrases, we can rate the quack level of each thread and post the results at the front of each thread.  If each thread on the forum has a quack rating that we can immediately view, then it will greatly reduce the time required to find the more interesting posts.

Below is the new point system.  Please feel free to add on to it as you recognize the words that quacks use.

1. The poster can't form a sentence, but claims to be smarter than Einstein. 10000 points.
2. The poster claims to be smarter than Einstein:  5000 points. 
3. The poster claims that ordinary math doesn't apply to their system.  500 points
4. The poster substitutes other letters to represent either R for red or B for black.  For example, they may use H, M, L, or W...So far, I've seen several examples.  200 points.
5. The poster claims that they use numerology to win regularly. 500 points.
6. The poster claims that ancient monks invented roulette, not Pascal.  500 points.
7. The poster claims to have made millions using their secret system based on the law of the third. 500 points.
8. The poster claims to beat lotteries, horses, and all casino games with their system. 300 points.
9. The poster claims his system can't be tested by a computer, but Two Cat Sam shows it to work. 200 points.
10. The poster claims that there's a bet that wins consistently. 200 points.
11. The poster believes the "holy grail for roulette" will be discovered any day now!  100 points.
12. The poster claims to find patterns in randomness. 100 points.
13. The poster claims to surf the dispersion of hits in randomness. 100 points.
14. The poster claims to donate most of his winnings to children's charities.  200 points.
15. The poster offers hints in his avatar.  500 points.
16. The poster talks about himself in a daily diary. (Yes, like James for example.)  300 points.
17. The poster claims that there is a secret flaw in the layout of the roulette wheel that can be exploited.  500 points.
18. The poster claims to win $50 or more a day by just using gaming discipline and money management.  200 points.
19. The poster claims to win every time he plays. 500 points.
20. The poster claims to have a successful system that enables them to win on the outside in the long run.  200 points.
21. The poster claims that there is a consistent winning bet in roulette. 300 points.
22. The poster thinks that you can win if you can find "just the right progression." 100 points.
23. The poster thinks that the "hemi" or "bow tie" is a long term winner.  100 points.
24.  The poster claims to win in the long term by making educated guesses. 400 points.
25. The poster claims to make educated guesses that are correct more than 50% of the time. 300 points.
26. The poster keeps an online journal of his betting results on the outside bets. 100 points.
27. The poster has either the family dog or cat as an avatar. 200 points.
28. The poster has an Animee figure as an avatar. 200 points.
29. The poster refers to educated people as "Math Boys." 200 points.
30. The poster claims to have developed a long term winning system. 200 points.
31. You believe "Win With Math" is real. 500 points.
32. Someone is going to find and post the "Holy Grail" any day now. 200 points.
33. You belong to a numerology study group. 200 points.
34.  The poster claims that using his method that, "It's harder to not to hit the lottery then hitting it.  Yes my method in fact it's not even possible to lose."    10,000 points.
35.  The poster believes Dysexlic's, or Murph's  posts. 100 points.



Ratings:

If you score:

Over 2000 points: You're James Wendall.  You should be in a straight jacket.  You belong in an institution.  You believe in gov. conspiracies.  You're heavily medicated and drift in and out of reality.  You're blissfully ignorant and blowing spit bubbles.

1000 points or more: You're definitely a big quack.  Chances are, you believe in gov. conspiracy theories as well.  You should not be allowed to handle money.  Other people should administer your medications.  Someone else should manage your daily affairs and finances.  You're blissfully ignorant and blowing spit bubbles.

700 points or more: You're a big quack.  You might believe in gov. conspiracies.  You probably should be medicated.  You should only be allowed to hold small amounts of money at any given time.  Someone other than you should manage your finances.  You're ignorant and sometimes blow spit bubbles.
 
400 points or more..  You're probably a quack.  You might believe in gov. conspiracies.  You should have your wife or another family member provide you with a limited weekly allowance.  Also, tell your wife to hide the checkbook if you're married. 

300 points or more..  You might be a quack.  You might just be ignorant.  Either way, stay out of the casino, unless you go with a close family member that can monitor your gambling activities.

200 points or more.. You could be a quack.  You might just be ignorant.  Read more information about probability and the mathematics of gambling before going to the casino.

Listed above is just a partial list.  I'll add more to the list as I find time.  Please feel free to add your own suggestions, unless your a quack.

-Herb 

[Nathan Detroit]

Herb,

You forgot the  important one : This  system was  given  to me  by an  old  chinaman  passed on to him from  generation to generation .

Worth at least 3, 000 points. If given in Macau while  waiting for the ferry to Hong Kong you might add another 1,000 points. Remember  it MUST be  an old  chinaman !!!


Nathan Detroit
HAPPY WINNNINGS!!!

[ChickenDinner]

I've only just spotted this. One the funniest posts I've read in a while.

Here's another one:

The poster gets hyper sensitive, down right insulting and extremely childish if another poster dares to criticise their "winning" method .

Cheers

CD

[ChickenDinner]

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